Slythering Thoughts
by Osalyn
Summary: In Lily Evans's 5th year at Hogwarts, she becomes friends with James Potter. She quickly became conflicted as to which boy she should spend more time with. She has to pick, however each poses their own problems.


Chapter One

For three years I never knew what the problem was being friends with Severus. Everything Severus did for the most part made me happy, he was really my only good friend. But then as soon as I started being friends with James, it all changed. James knew exactly how to make me think to make me change how I thought of Sev, he made me question if I was even happy being with him.

It all started one late night at the start of our 5th year. I had ran from the library to the Common Room in tears. It was late, so the room was deserted. I thought I was alone, however that all changed when I heard "hey Evans!"

"Go away, Potter." I mumbled trying to stop my tears.

"Are you alright?" James Potter stood behind me.

"Go away." I repeated.

"Come on, James. She wants to be left alone." Remus Lupin said quietly.

"You go." James said.

"Fine by me." Lupin went up the stairs and left the two of us alone.

"Go away, Potter." I mumbled.

"Are you alright?" He asked again.

"I'm fine." I lied.

"Tell me what's wrong." James said.

"I don't want to talk about it!" I yelled.

James came and sat next to me. For the first time, he didn't try to touch me or impress me, he just gave me a sad look. "Can I talk then? Because I kind of need to talk to someone, but you know my mates, they only half listen. Except Remus, but he has his own problems to worry about."

"Will you go away if I say no?" I asked.

"Probably not. I'm not tired and you're probably the only one still awake and I need to talk." James told me.

"Fine, talk." I said reluctantly.

"You know Mary? The girl I've been going out with for almost a year, she's been cheating on me this whole time. Bloody brilliant isn't it? And I'm the player." For the first time, I saw James show an emotion. He started to cry bitter tears. "You know how I found out? I was trying to study in an open classroom and I saw her and Jeremy Priam snogging on the desks."

I didn't know what I could stay to make him feel better. All I could manage to say was "I'm sorry."

"Yeah me too." He said bitterly. "What do you know, you have your brilliant Snape."

I bitterly laughed. "Ha. I just waited in the library for four hours waiting for him. What did that get me? Nothing. He stood me up for his Death Eater friends. He doesn't are at all. We invented a spell for that, one word and he could tell me he wasn't going to be there. But he didn't say anything. And the worst part is this isn't even the first time he's done this. Hell, it's not even the first time this week. I'm so tired of this!" My tears had started flowing again harder than before.

James looked into my eyes and wiped away my tears. "Why do you stay with him?"

"I don't know." I shrugged.

"Are you happy?" He asked me.

"What do you mean?" I asked.

He moved my hair behind my ear. "Are you happy with him?"

"Is this just a ploy to get me to go out with you?" I asked.

James stood up. "No! Do I look like that big of a git to you? I just ask because I wish someone would have asked me that before all this happened."

I grabbed his hand and had him sit back down. "I'm happy sometimes, when he's not with Mulciber and Avery."

"How often is that?" James asked.

"Too often." I admitted.

"Then why stay?" James asked.

I looked into the dying fire. "I don't know."

"That's how I feel. I can't leave Mary. I can't be alone." James said quietly.

"Why not?" I asked.

"I hate it." He admitted. "I hate being alone. I always want to be with someone."

"James, you need to find yourself someone better than Mary." I told him.

He stared at me. "You called me James."

"I did." I nodded.

"Why?" He asked.

"I felt like it." I scooted closer to him. I put my hand on his.

"Ok, Lily." He said quietly.

We inched closer to each other. He put his head on mine and stared into my eyes. I could feel his breath on my lips. His glasses were cold against my cheeks. I could feel my desire for him raise up in my chest. I took a chance and kissed his soft lips. The kiss was warm and tender, so unlike anything I'd ever experienced before. His lips were the softer than I could have ever imagined, and his slight stubble tickled my face. It was the greatest kiss I had ever had.

I pulled away after a few moments of our embrace.

"Sorry, did I do something wrong?" James asked.

"No, no you were fine, perfect even." I said quickly. My mind was racing, this was exactly what I couldn't do. I couldn't get tangled up with James. Then my mind leaped to Severus. I felt like I was betraying him, but there was a large part of my mind that simply didn't care about it.

"Are you ok?" James asked.

"Yeah, I'm fine." I said, resting my head on his shoulder.

I could feel James's breathing get erratic. He didn't know what to think or what to do. We stayed quiet for several minutes, neither one wanting to make the first comment about what had just happened.

"What about Mary?" I asked him quietly.

He laughed. "She wants to be with Priam, fine. She can have him."

I sat up slowly. "James, I can't do this."

His smile quickly changed to a look of pure hurt. "Why not?"

I didn't want to say it, but I knew I had to. "Severus."

"What's so great about him anyway?!" James half yelled.

I stared at my hands not wanting to speak. "He's my best mate."

"Then why did you kiss me?!" James was almost in tears again.

"I don't know." I refused to look at him, because I knew what would be staring back at me.

"Why does he have to find out?" James asked.

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"Well, does anyone really have to know?" James said.

"James?!" I exclaimed.

He leaned over and kissed me again. "You like kissing me, don't you?"

"Shut up." I mumbled. I wouldn't look him in the eye. I could feel the heat rise in my cheeks.

"So then, just kiss me." James moved in to kiss me again.

"James!" I stood up quickly.

"Fine, fine." James said quickly. "I get it, it's stupid just sit back down."

I sat down quickly. I didn't want to be around him, but I did. I couldn't explain it, but I didn't want to be away from him.

"Now, tell me more about you and Sniv-Snape." James tried to change the subject.

"He's my best friend. We always is there for me, well for the most part. I mean, we have our problems, but doesn't everyone? I mean he's sweet, when he wants to be. We invent our own spells and modify potions. We have a spell, _Corisonus_, which can send messages between each other. It appears on our hands, a small burning sensation happens and you can say anything you want, within reason." I smiled

"Nothing tonight?" James asked.

"Nope." I rolled up my sleeve. "Nothing at all."

"That's not right." James said quietly.

"Yeah no kidding." I said bitterly.

We sat in silence for several minutes. I rested my head on his shoulder and listened to him breathe. I noticed the differences between him and Severus quickly. Severus's shoulders were very boney and very uncomfortable, while James's were just fleshy enough to be comfortable. Severus's breathing was very shallow and very sporadic whereas James's was steady and relaxing. Severus always tried to make awkward small talk while I would rest on his shoulder, but James just let the silence pass.

"It would be far too easy with you." I said finally.

"What do you mean?" James asked.

"You're everything that my other friends want me to be with. Actually they point at you and say 'him, go out with James' but Sev just . . ." My thought trailed away.

"Yeah, I get it. I think Remus would have a fit if I did date you. He fancies you a bit, just saying." James said.

"So, what?" I asked.

"Dunno, we can figure it out as we go." James said.

"Maybe." I said.

"Maybe?" James asked.

I smiled. "Yes, maybe. Isn't that all you need?"

James laughed. "No, no it's not."

"Well, that's just too bad then." I gave him a kiss on the forehead.

James seemed a bit shocked at that. He almost didn't know what to react. He looked me in eyes and slowly moved to give me another kiss. The kiss was as glorious as the last, and it was him who had to pull away this time.

"I should go to bed." James stood up.

"Bye." I got up and walked to my dormitory.

That night all I could think of was James's kiss. I kept wrestling with what he said, that we could make it work and that no one needed to know, but somehow I didn't think I could do that. Severus would hate if I went out with him, but the more I thought about it, the less I cared.

The next morning when I was waiting to go into potions I avoided both James and Severus. James had said nothing to me all morning.

"Lil!" Severus came rushing over to me.

"Where were you last night?" I asked.

"Stuff." Severus said with a smile.

"Stuff?! With Mulciber and Avery?!" I asked.

Severus pulled a small box out of his bag and handed it to me. "We met on this day 7 years ago. I wanted to give you something."

I opened it and found a bracelet. The chain was moving lilies around it.

"Sorry, it took longer than I thought it would. I didn't notice how late it was until I was finished, and by that time it was almost morning." Severus said.

"Thanks, Sev." I said sheepishly. Somehow, this small thing had made what I did the night before seem wrong for the first time. I wasn't sure what to do, but I knew that it wouldn't be easy.


End file.
